BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
A fascinating concept that we refer to a lot in the New Insights Life Coach Training and Certification Programme, is that of the 'internal map'.
Let's unpack this a bit.
We all know and understand the purpose of a map (although much to this baby boomer’s disappointment, mapreading is fast becoming a dying skill with the advent of technology that does everything for you!)
Simply put, a map can be thought of as a scaled down representation of a specific location or piece of geography. It's a visual aid meant to help one interpret and navigate the layout of an area of interest.
A mental framework
The internal map, on the other hand, is unique to each individual. It is a kind of ‘mental framework’ that we use to decipher, interpret, and navigate the world in which we live. It is the source of the external ‘reality’ as we perceive it to be.
The building blocks that go to construct and shape that mental framework are our values, beliefs, rules, past experiences and their outcomes, thinking patterns, mindset, and so on.
All very interesting, I’m sure you’ll agree. But what does this have to do with ‘being true to yourself’?
Seeing the world differently
Well, the critical point is that how we see and respond to the external world depends on how we interpret it. And once you understand the concept of an internal map, you will appreciate how and why each of us sees the world a little differently.
Now, that’s all well and good if you are schooled in the complexity and uniqueness of internal maps and skilled at respecting and capitalising on this diversity to build better and more harmonious relationships.
Fixed perspective
But, sadly, most people are not. Their reality is formed from a certain, very fixed perspective. As there can only be one reality (at least, as they see it) they believe that must be the same for all.
If enough people in a specific community can be pressured to accept a certain perspective on the world as being ‘the truth’ or at least ‘the norm’, then that norm can be imposed and other competing perspectives rejected, diminished or trivialised.
The cause of intolerance
Frankly, this is the source of so much of the intolerance and polarisation that exists in our world today.
In a world that pushes conformance with a specific interpretation of reality, being true to yourself and prioritising what is real for you, is much harder than it sounds.
The disconnect causing guilt, anxiety and fear
This disconnect between one’s unique personal internal map and the so-called collective norm, adopted by our external world, is the source of quite shocking levels of individual guilt, anxiety and even fear.
At work, there is pressure to conform to the expectations of employers, managers, team leaders and peers.
In the community in which we reside, there exists a subtle but definite pressure to adhere to, and be seen to adhere to, standards and norms of behaviour deemed acceptable to the broader group.
In social circles it is common to feel pressure to be liked or approved of, or to act in some way that ’pleases’ others.
Even at home there is pressure (perhaps less intrusive, yet still evident) to meet the needs and expectations of one’s spouse, partner or family members.
Enter the chameleon
The result of all of this external pressure is that many of us develop chameleon-like persona that adapt to the situations and groups that we find ourselves in.
In fact, this is a very effective ‘coping’ mechanism – some would even go so far as to say it is the ’secret to success’.
And it’s hard to disagree … IF you choose to measure your success by how well you think the outside world perceives of you!
And many do … that’s why, in the quiet times, they find themselves wondering just who they really are and what life is really all about!
Authentic success
In life coaching, we teach that authentic success is measured by the level of sustained fulfilment and happiness you feel within.
That doesn’t come from living to satisfy external demands. It comes from being true to yourself and living in accordance with your inner purpose.
Being true to yourself doesn’t mean that you need to reject others or the norms they subscribe to. Far from it.
Maximising potential
It means recognising and being proud of yourself and who you are, what you believe, what you value, your opinions and your unique perspective. It means living your life in a way that embraces your uniqueness and maximises your potential to the world.
By extension, it also means respecting the right of others – and even encouraging them – to do exactly the same.
An illusion
Devin Iyer, writer, philosopher and artist – and good friend of mine, talks compellingly about life being ’an illusion’.
Living to meet ’the expectations of others’ is a bit like chasing an illusion.
That’s because the term ’others’ is just a vague collective with an internal map that is an artificially created compromise.
There is no single common and collective appreciation of what life is, what it means, or how we should live it. That is simply an illusion.
Where reality is found
The reality that is life can be found in the internal map of the one living it.
You have your own unique, exciting and dynamic perspective on life - a reality that is yours and your alone. The only expectations that count are yours.
Love who you are, love your life, live your life to the full. Commit to allowing others the freedom to do the same.
That’s what it means to be true to yourself.
